Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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