Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
