ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
