Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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