There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
