what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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