Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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