woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
