did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
