turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
