this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
