You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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