If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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