Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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