Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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