its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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