sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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