Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
