I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
