I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
