Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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