two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
tell me about the eggs
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
