How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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