I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
