Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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