i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
