I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Randomize
