i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
