So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
