was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
