I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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