I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
