Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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