I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
