I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
