So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This is my gift to your gina
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
