This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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