Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
