you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
