I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
