Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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