dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
