He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
