nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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