were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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