so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
