You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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