At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
