I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
