I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
