He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
