Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
